this is what they pay me for...

You know the sort of thing where one person starts a story and then a group of people take turns adding to it, picking up the narrative ball where the last person left off? Sort of like Click... aaaaaaanywho. A coworker just forwarded a story kicked off by another of our coworkers, and added to be at least one other (if not more) in the interim, which starts off talking about a poor schmuck wasting away in cubicle land a la "Office Space," then shifts point of view to his boss, Amy, who thinks bitterly to herself that her male subordinate wouldn't have lasted nearly as long were it not for his conventional good looks because, in the world of depilatory creams, some man candy often helps to close the sale.

Needless to say, this got my mind stuck on unwanted body hair (and yes, I freely admit to having first googled "depilatory" to figure out just what sort of cosmetic product the story was dealing with)... so I ran with it:

if i wanted to write about myself in the third person, i would have developed a god complex.

So, I'm incredibly fortunate that my friend Melinda is the editor of an awesome luxury lifestyle/dwelling consumer magazine, Las Vegas Home + Design, and wonder of wonders, she actually lets me freelance for her.

However! The caveat is that sometimes she wants to also run my "quirky bio" on her contributors page.

Which means I have to write about myself.

Which = Not So Awesome.

And the upcoming issue is one of those times. So I took a stab at it...

As often as she daydreams about a return to the West Coast, Lisa Brown has recently determined that she made her way to the nation's capital for a reason: Namely, to be present for the inauguration of Barack Obama. It's the first moment of history in her lifetime of which she's found herself genuinely ecstatic to be a part. And if you happen to find yourself in the District Jan. 19, keep an eye out for her celebrating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in style, sipping a beverage of the alcoholic variety on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

The verdict?

Rejected. Color me surprised.*

Take 2:

When she's not juggling editorial deadlines, which is next-door to never, Lisa Brown spends her time capturing random snapshots with her trusty camera and explaining obscure novels to strangers. Her steadfast companion and partner in crime is a chocolate lab / border collie mix named Lindy (tip o' the hat to Charles Lindbergh and his eponymous variation of swing dance). Unfortunately, the canine in question is somewhat agoraphobic,** which makes morning and evening walks something of a production.

Still waiting to see if that one cuts the mustard...


*If you do not immediately notice the sarcasm that is literally dripping off that sentence, you do not know me. At all.

**No lie. True story.