sea kittens & chips!

If there were even a shadow of doubt regarding the complete and utter lack of sanity at PETA headquarters, it's been completely obliterated with two simple—and staggeringly idiotic—words:

Sea kittens.

Yes, the latest brainchild to promote the ethical treatment of animals (worthy cause) is to alter the global lexicon and rename fish (baffling and pointless action)... to sea kittens (dumbest combination of words this side of the latest Bushism).

There's even an online children's book. Nevermind the fact that its Columbinesque contents could potentially traumatize your average kindergarten student (although personally I'm a fan of injecting a healthy dose of gritty realism into the standard K-12 fare), the most ridiculous thing about it is that I imagine it would prove infintely more effective if all the instances of the phrase "sea kitten" were replaced with the word "fish." Because we know what fish are. We get it. And that's a far easier place from which to start trying to instill feelings of empathy than someone's ill-advised PR stunt.

Besides the complete hassle of updating the world's dictionaries, we'd have to contend with the absurdist struggle of trying to wrap the minds of children around the idea that a sea kitten is not, in fact, a kitten of the sea (which is a fairly complex concept, when you think about it (learning the difference between cats and dogs and cats and catfish and that the existence of catfish does not necessitate the existence of dogfish is difficult enough)).

And what would be done about One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish?!?!??

So upon reading the most asinine news story of 2009 to date, I set out for dinner in its honor...


Sea kittens & chips. Mmm... Delicious.

But you know what would have made it even more delicious?


Some fancy ketchup, of course.

Seriously though. PETA is trying to take down Dr. Seuss. They must be stopped.