the bold & the biographical

No matter how old I get, I don't think I'll ever get over the rush of excitement that accompanies the first day of school!

Well, ok... so I'm not technically matriculating anywhere, but my 10-week online fiction workshop started today, & I. Am. STOKED!!

First assignment: Submit a bio, 500 words or less. Given that we're immersed in a virtual classroom, it's a logical exercise to foster a sense of community (blah blah educational buzzword blah).

fast forward :: future flights

Like any red-blooded American, I'm a sucker for a sale. And Southwest played me like a cheap, cheap fiddle...

$145 for a roundtrip flight to Denver, Colo.? Sign me up!

So, in honor of my impending trip to the 303, I present you with some 3OH!3:

day 5 :: trends, trials, & tribulations

After discussing the rise of social media and the downfall of traditional print advertising methods with Tom Doucette, Lindy and I hit the road for Gilbert, Ariz., and an appointment with Trend Homes.

day 4 :: beyond billboards

Sunday marked the beginning of a new month and our last day of travel through Texas, which, as I once saw a bumper sticker proclaim, happens to be bigger than France.

day 3 :: deck the halls with perverted calls

View Larger Map

For the third day of our trip, Lindy and I set out from Monroe, La., with the ambitious goal of seeing just how much of Texas we could cross in a single day.

Turns out they're right: One shouldn't mess with Texas.

day 2 :: when it rains...

...yeah. The photo doesn't nearly do it justice. Let's just put it this way: Have you ever hydroplaned while towing a trailer?

I can now say that I have. And it was a decidedly unpleasant experience.

So given the four hours of non-stop torrential downpouring complete with lightning and 20 mph winds gusting to 40 mph, not many opportunities to take photos presented themselves today.

day 1 :: dog is my co-pilot

Well, today was the big day. Up and at 'em at 5 a.m., and out on the open road by 6. Lindy and I waved goodbye to the District...


...and set out on the first leg of our journey.

on the eve of the adventure...

View Larger Map

Behold, the roadmap to my roadtrip!

Well, the gist of it, at any rate.

Just waiting for some pals to arrive and help me load the U-Haul trailer (I plan to reward them with dinner and drinks), then it's off to watch Wall*E at Casa de Lewis, and then bedtime so I can hit the road at about 5 a.m. tomorrow.

I just hope this nasty headcold has discipated by then...

recession proof

Get it? :)

It's officially official: I've been laid off (although I volunteered to be (long story)). Friday 20 February is my last day, and then preparations for my long-awaited reverse roadtrip kick into high gear (yeah, it's only been about 18 months, but that's a long time for me to live anywhere, let alone on the wrong coast).

You didn't think that all that talk about a newly unemployed 20-something was hypothetical, did you?

housing hypotheticals

Just wrote a new blog post for work and thought at least the first half was worth sharing here.

This seems like it should hardly come as a shock, but newsflash! from Seeking Alpha: Home prices have increased more rapidly than rents, it's significantly cheaper to rent than to buy (not even taking into account the costs of taxes and insurance (albeit also not factoring in that mortgage interest is tax deductible, I'll give you that)). Conclusion: Financially, there is no motivation to buy a home aside from price appreciation. Thus, in a market where homes are depreciating in value (i.e. the current one (in fact, the Wall Street Journal reports that price declines accelerated in 4Q2008)), it is illogical to buy a home.

back in action, take 2

Well, I started the recent impromptu California trip post, I guess I might as well finish it, right?

So from SFO, where I was picked up by my sister, mom, and grandma, we went to P.F. Chang's in Pleasanton—across the street from where I used to work, incidentally—at which point I attempted to teach my mom and hers how to use chopsticks...

This endeavor would ultimately fail. No great surprise there.

back in action

It's weird to think that this was the start to my inaugural weekend: Cocktails at Halo, complete with red, white, and blue ambient lighting. Good friends, good drinks, followed by good food, followed by math jokes on chalkboards (integral of e to the power of x, anyone?)...

Sadly, the fun-filled weekend was destined to be short lived.

Actually, what I found while taking out trash pre-night-out-on-the-town should have clued me in to what was to eventually follow:

Yeah... Not a pretty picture by any stretch of the imagination. I only hope the little guy had expired before the gate closed (if that doesn't make sense, don't ask... trust me, you'll be better off).

At any rate, my fun night out on the town was on the happier side of a punctuating phone call I'd rather not go in to at the moment. Suffice it to say, that call led to a last-minute flight reservation, a 5 a.m. trek to the Dupont Circle Metro station...

...some quality reading time spent at a practically deserted gate...

...a window seat...

...which was awesome. The screaming baby sitting directly behind me? Not so much...

...some fantastic astronautically inspired artwork throughout SFO...

...complete with some bitching robots (I'm a sucker for robots (they're the new pirates, you know))...

...and that's all I really feel like getting in to at the moment. Maybe I'll talk about it more later on. Then again, maybe I won't.

Not like it really matters either way.

hasta la vista, hiatus

I'll take "Things 2009 Is Not" for $800, Alex...

Chalk it up to the broken mirror. Chalk it up to bad karma. Chalk it up to coincidence. Chalk it up to nothing at all.

Thus far, 2009 is turning out to be a shitty year in my world. But, like the song goes, "We've only just begun..." Right?

Then again, maybe I'm just supposed to be following the lunar calendar?


Gung hei fat choi, everybody.

fallen soldier, revisited

When first we met, our once proud street sign, which had raised high the roof beam of parking regulations for carpenters, Zone 2 District residents, and visitors alike, lay limp and ineffectual beside a small pile of busted brick—disrupted earth in the wake of a rude de-rooting of natural flora.

And now, joined by his disgarded xmas tree brethren. Scrap metal and firewood that will never realize their innate potential.

Triple sadness.

behold what obama hath wrought

It begins...

Don't get me wrong: I'm all for DC state rights, DC congressional representation, the DC quarter... and all things DC, really. I love this city. It's my home away from home.

Literally.

And I'm all for Obama and just as excited as the next guy. As far as I'm concerned, Jan. 20 can't get here quickly enough! It's the day I've spent the last 8 years waiting for.

But lately, things seem to be getting more than a little out of hand.

Could it be the $7,000 inaugural apartment rentals on craigslist? Or Pepsi's painfully transparent "Yes You Can" ads?

Nope. That's just capitalism at work. Greed, Opportunism, and Co-Opting = The American Way, right?

Is it the weekend gossip buzz surrounding our Commander in Chief-to-be and Mayor Adrian Fenty hitting up Ben's Chili Bowl on U Street?



Nah, that's just bad ass. Especially since the man paid for his hot dog (yes, DC residents, I'm well aware that it's called a half-smoke, or whatever, but a hot dog is a hot dog is a hot dog (except when it's a Polish sausage)).

The fact that all bridges connecting DC to Arlington will be shut down for vehicular traffic, and residential parking for much of the District is assured to be a 4-day horrorfest?

Well, yes, that undeniably sucks. But it's bureaucracy at its best (or evil worst (you say tomato...)), and therefore not at all surprising.

How about the Ikea mock Oval Office being set up in Union Station?

Hmm... not that strange, all things considered, but when you factor in the mock motorcade complete with furniture strapped to a limo and some Suburbans? Yeah, we're definitely getting warmer...

Oh, and on top of that, Inauguration Day is on Twitter and Facebook?!??

Yes. Most definitely out of hand.

arguing semantics

Ever notice that the only difference between "machismo" and "masochism" is an extra S?

Just throwing it out there...

on your knees

See the stick figure sticker on the door handle? I keep finding this guy everywhere. I first noticed him on the Thomas Circle street sign, back in September 2007:


Never really gave it much thought, other than the fact that it reminds me of some of the album art from OK Computer, so I like it.

But recently, it keeps popping up. Like out in front of the 7-11.


Radiohead resemblance aside, I don't get it.

What are you trying to tell me, stick figure man?

obey old school

It'd been an awfully long time since I'd seen an o.g. "Andre the Giant Has a Posse," and not one of the everybody-and-their-mother knock offs that have followed in its wake. While I'm more of a fan of Fairey's mixed media work, it's nice to remember his roots—especially now that he's got his Esquire cover.

As for Mad Decent, you can check it out here and here. Diplo's worth a listen. Besides, you have to love a fellow dinosaur lover.

fallen soldier

Sadness.

sea kittens & chips!

If there were even a shadow of doubt regarding the complete and utter lack of sanity at PETA headquarters, it's been completely obliterated with two simple—and staggeringly idiotic—words:

Sea kittens.

Yes, the latest brainchild to promote the ethical treatment of animals (worthy cause) is to alter the global lexicon and rename fish (baffling and pointless action)... to sea kittens (dumbest combination of words this side of the latest Bushism).

There's even an online children's book. Nevermind the fact that its Columbinesque contents could potentially traumatize your average kindergarten student (although personally I'm a fan of injecting a healthy dose of gritty realism into the standard K-12 fare), the most ridiculous thing about it is that I imagine it would prove infintely more effective if all the instances of the phrase "sea kitten" were replaced with the word "fish." Because we know what fish are. We get it. And that's a far easier place from which to start trying to instill feelings of empathy than someone's ill-advised PR stunt.

Besides the complete hassle of updating the world's dictionaries, we'd have to contend with the absurdist struggle of trying to wrap the minds of children around the idea that a sea kitten is not, in fact, a kitten of the sea (which is a fairly complex concept, when you think about it (learning the difference between cats and dogs and cats and catfish and that the existence of catfish does not necessitate the existence of dogfish is difficult enough)).

And what would be done about One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish?!?!??

So upon reading the most asinine news story of 2009 to date, I set out for dinner in its honor...


Sea kittens & chips. Mmm... Delicious.

But you know what would have made it even more delicious?


Some fancy ketchup, of course.

Seriously though. PETA is trying to take down Dr. Seuss. They must be stopped.