and they called it mandroid love...

So remember when I said the guys over at Star Wars v. Star Trek were going to let me edit their blog? It turns out I'm allowed to write there, too! Check it out!

Image courtesy Botropolis.

slow boat to china

my chinese consulate friend // san francisco

...and by "boat," I mean "very long flight(s)," but you get the idea.

At any rate, it's an announcement fairly long coming, and many (if not most (or maybe all)) of you are already aware of the news, but just to make it official: I'm moving to China for a year. Specifically, Shanghai. So yeah. Color me stoked.

i quit this bitch!

I wrote this back in the days when we were all firmly entrenched in the Space, but once again, the words are relevant. So here it is, slightly altered for accuracy's sake:

Saints be praised — I have begun the process of shaking off my shackles of cubicle oppression. BE GONE, vile headset; thou hath no power over me! The time of my rebirth is now. A new day is dawning, and I rise to greet it with open arms and a brilliant smile. The gods may feast in bacchean ecstasy on nectar and ambrosia, but I shall soon taste the sweet fruits of victory and emancipation.

I have given my three weeks' notice...

Rock. 

And now, some musical entertainment:



So apropos.

waiting for godot banjo

Counting down the days...

so a starfleet officer walks into the cantina on mos eisley...

No I won't. More's the pity... but I digress. Time for another shameless plug on behalf of my star-studded* parade of brilliant friends. I've once again offered my pro bono copyediting services,** this time for the fanboys—pardon me, fanmen—behind the helm of Star Wars vs. Star Trek. If you're into discussing the practical applications of futuristic sci-fi technologies, debating the relative merits of humanoid artificial intelligence compared to its more mechy counterparts, ogling scantily clad women of the green and/or chained variety, pyrotechnic explosions that do or do not (there is no try) resemble what could actually occur in the vacuum of space... or if you're just in the mood for some occasionally foul-mouthed and/or low-brow but always sufficiently geeky humor... then this is clearly the best blog you're not reading.*** So I suggest you rectify that situation.

MTFBWY // LL&P

leonard, revisited

Big, beautiful developments are in the works, courtesy of a woman who more than knows her way around a Sharpie and a block of wood, bringing us one step closer to putting Leonard the giraffe's story into print. And there was much rejoicing!

...or there would be, were it not for a currently significant roadblock: I have to pick a title first.

Shoot.

this is what they pay me for...

You know the sort of thing where one person starts a story and then a group of people take turns adding to it, picking up the narrative ball where the last person left off? Sort of like Click... aaaaaaanywho. A coworker just forwarded a story kicked off by another of our coworkers, and added to be at least one other (if not more) in the interim, which starts off talking about a poor schmuck wasting away in cubicle land a la "Office Space," then shifts point of view to his boss, Amy, who thinks bitterly to herself that her male subordinate wouldn't have lasted nearly as long were it not for his conventional good looks because, in the world of depilatory creams, some man candy often helps to close the sale.

Needless to say, this got my mind stuck on unwanted body hair (and yes, I freely admit to having first googled "depilatory" to figure out just what sort of cosmetic product the story was dealing with)... so I ran with it:

medieval times // more than just dinner + a show

In case you were unaware, renowned historian* Dr. David B. Jaloza, Esq.,** also posts things on the interwebs here, although it should be noted that he does so far more eloquently and informatively than I could ever hope to do. That being said, I've offered my pro bono services as a copy editor, and he has accepted, so as I read through his back catalog of posts, I encourage you to do the same.

Hop to it!

Image borrowed from Loyola University, Chicago, Department of English.

*and by "renowned," I mean "by me" as opposed to "by society."

**Dr. David B. Jaloza, Esq., is neither a doctor, gentleman of noble birth, civil servant, government official, nor practitioner of law.

piss-pots & poets

Just finished reading The Ends of Our Tethers by Alasdair Gray—enormous thanks to Joanne [aka my newly-minted Kimberry] for introducing me to another voice that cuts to the quick as only Scots seem able to do. It's a great read for anyone who enjoys short stories, especially if you have an eye/ear for the at least mildly experimental variety, but the book recommendation is really neither here nor there. After all, that's what Goodreads is for, is it not?

So back to the matter at hand:

leonard and the telescopic trachea

Needless to say, the title is a work in progress. But I think I'm happy with how the story turned out, and it's not like it's a baby [just written for one], so who cares if I don't name it right away? Anyway, it's my first stab ever at a children's book.* Anthropomorphic animals teach us all a valuable lesson... or something.

cruelty to stuffed animals

I'm having entirely too much fun... but you know what's even more fun??

Sleep!

no, really...

...the dog totally ate my homework.

i've got the setlist, you pop the popcorn

Welcome to October, home to your favorite holiday and mine! This year's festivities promise to be even more fun-filled and fan-fucking-tastic than most... but more on that later. For now, let's return to my most recent post, when I dangled the promise of mixed-media mix tapes in front of you.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... is your first installment.

if you're thinking of reading this post...

I've been thinking a lot about High Fidelity recently... which isn't saying much, given that it's more likely than not a statistical impossibility to pinpoint a time when I haven't been thinking a lot about High Fidelity for one reason or another. But I digress.

At present, the reason I keep coming back to my favorite lines/scenes from the book/movie centers on the Hornbyian wisdom that "it's not what you're like, but what you like" that really matters in the grand scheme of things.

blah...

...is pretty much all I have to say on the subject at the moment.

Q: What subject?

A: Who cares?

Which brings us back to: Blah...

Just finished putting the "free" in "freelance," writing some stuff for 944 on the pro bono tip. And I really need to go and brainstorm for my next project... which I had goddamned-well better finish. Because I never really finish anything I start. Plague of my generation, or is it just me? Probably a little from column A, a great deal more from column B, but I digress...

don quixote, eat your heart out

forever fighting windmills...

...sorry. Things had gotten altogether too "texty" around here. Chalk it up to more of me and my apparently infinite amount of slackage.

This break to the visual monotony, brought to you by Telegraph Avenue.

Ladies & gentlemen of la mancha, g'night!

you win this round, pearson...

Thanks to the persistence of one man (you may or may not know him by the name Juan Canadilla, but that's another story for another day), I'm posting again. It's one of two assignments I've completed for my online fiction class, but I'm too lazy to post both at the moment... not to mention tired. I've spent the better part of my post-9-to-5 day battling writer's block to beat a freelance PR project into submission... hopefully successfully, but there's no knowing that until tomorrow. And now I'm rambling (inarticulately at that), but I really just couldn't care less. So.

Yeah.

The assignment: Write 5 opening lines for the same story. The idea being that each should be a totally unique line, not just a variation or minor alteration of its predecessor.

the bold & the biographical

No matter how old I get, I don't think I'll ever get over the rush of excitement that accompanies the first day of school!

Well, ok... so I'm not technically matriculating anywhere, but my 10-week online fiction workshop started today, & I. Am. STOKED!!

First assignment: Submit a bio, 500 words or less. Given that we're immersed in a virtual classroom, it's a logical exercise to foster a sense of community (blah blah educational buzzword blah).

fast forward :: future flights

Like any red-blooded American, I'm a sucker for a sale. And Southwest played me like a cheap, cheap fiddle...

$145 for a roundtrip flight to Denver, Colo.? Sign me up!

So, in honor of my impending trip to the 303, I present you with some 3OH!3:

day 5 :: trends, trials, & tribulations

After discussing the rise of social media and the downfall of traditional print advertising methods with Tom Doucette, Lindy and I hit the road for Gilbert, Ariz., and an appointment with Trend Homes.